A Travellerspoint blog

One strictly for the ladies

Men, read this at your peril. I know I cannot really stop you from finding out about the trials of being a woman – and the headline will have probably made you curious. But don’t afterwards complain that you are now grossed out!

“So what are you going to do?” my GP asked me last Friday. Mmmh, I had actually come here for HER to tell ME. If I knew what to do, I wouldn’t waste her time or mine, would I?

“It’s really strange that the pill had this effect on you.” (She’s referring to the fact that I was bleeding non-stop for a month when I took the hormones...)

“We would expect side effects with Utovlan, so I suggest you take Utovlan instead during the whole of your trip.”

Another hormone tablet? I look at her in disbelief, while she rattles on: “You will have sore boobs the whole time, and there will be mood swings. It will basically just be like permanent PMT. You simply need to relax and enjoy yourself.”
Oh, yes, AH and I would really find it easy to relax and enjoy ourselves!

“I think you will actually have too much fun to be moody.”

Wonder who she is trying to convince of the wisdom of her plan: Herself or me...

She clearly does not know my capacity for moodiness. A bad mood is virtually guaranteed should I get a heavy, painful period in the middle of nowhere, with no comfy bed to crawl into - but letting nature take its course now seems preferable to messing with more hormones.

At least I know what to expect. We don’t have space in our luggage to take protective armour for AH should I turn seriously murderous on Utovlan!

So I have been brainstorming with two friends how to deal with my monthlies in a hostile environment. We decided to think outside the box as radical challenges require radical solutions. Yes, it went so far as looking at the option of buying adult incontinence pants to minimise leakage – and hide them under comfy male boxer shorts...

I felt a bit out of place as I check out the suitability of male underwear. I shouldn’t have worried, as cross-dressing is in. Some men now wear “girlie” underwear - pink stripes or colourful kisses anyone? – whereas the women seem to go for mock male underwear, with undies that look like traditional male boxer-shorts. (Does this now mean that my purchase has made me accidently trendy? This would certainly be a first!)

I am still not sure about wearing incontinence pants. Yes, I know there are some ads that show slim and trim middle-aged women going about their business and having fun while supposedly wearing them, but when I study the packages, they look enormous and difficult to hide, even under boxer shorts. It doesn’t help that the shops only seem to sell them in large sizes...

I find myself dreaming of wearing lace and silk in bug-attracting red or burgundy. And fluffy kitten heels. (For the record: I have never worn those. I last wore high heels regularly in my teens. I think I now left it too late to practice, but one can dream of a bit of insensible frivolity...

My other fantasy involves the bog that my friends bought me for my 40th birthday. It stands somewhere in Africa, so wouldn’t it be nice if I could borrow it for the length of our journey? It could kind of travel on a trailer behind the truck, ready whenever I need it...

Posted by TTraveller 05:33

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